Well apparently he's into motor boating.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
