That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
