Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Come on in and take your pants off
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