omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
