hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
