i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
