Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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