I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I bet he comes in French.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
