Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
