If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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