i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
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I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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