Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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