just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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