...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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