If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
