The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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