peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
