We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
ttyl tear gas
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
