Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The Olympian is in my bed
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize