I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
