What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
