guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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