put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i believe in u and ur pee
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