How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
