David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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