I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
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his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
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I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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