I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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