I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
