Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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