Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
