there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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