I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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