Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
