Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
party gras won. party gras always wins.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize