You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
