Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
