his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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