drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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