After last night, I could never be a politician.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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