boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
