by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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