So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
