Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
