Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
