he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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