I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
