nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
