I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
