just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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