Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
