Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
