Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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