Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
