Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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