I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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