he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
