Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just gift wrapped bread.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize