I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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