The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
