the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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