I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
