my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
