what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
