Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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