I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
