So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
