good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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