Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
