im drinking this country out of the recession.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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