I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
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My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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