just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
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She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
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The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
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