That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
