Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The air was thick with penises
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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