Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
